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Barbara Farfan

Straw Poll Reveals Undecided Voter Surge To Consensus - Presidential Election Day Celebrations Start Early for Swing State Retailers and Voters With Confused Political Beliefs

By November 5, 2012

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A straw poll has revealed that undecided voters have surged toward consensus in the final days before the 2012 Presidential Election. As a result of this undecided voter consensus - particularly in swing-battleground-hotly-contested-leaning states - victory parties have started early to celebrate the opening of the polls, rather than the closing of them on November 6th.

The American voter consensus is that daily political advertising pressure to change undecided political beliefs has mostly served to create confused voter paralysis and transformed average Americans into a derisively angry, insult-hurling flash mob of frustration, and enough is enough. The "straw poll" referred to was actually a long string of impassioned responses to a recent article about the Costco Craze which made a reference to Ann Romney's staged-for-television visit to Costco.

The number and intensity of responses to that article was disproportionate, to say the least, considering that the article was 90% about Costco, with only a brief mention of Ann Romney, who, for the record, is not a presidential candidate that anyone will find printed on their ballot. To me this was a clear demonstration of how excessive political bombardment funded by unbridled corporate campaign spending has successfully distracted voters from the meaningful, and pointed them towards the pointless.

After being called a "disgruntled liberal female" doing "lying suck reporting" for a "left-winged rag press," I think I've earned the right to rebuttal.

While I realize that extremists always scream the loudest, and that the littlest thing can tilt voters who are precariously poised on the edge of reason, it's been my experience that only those who lack substantive evidence to support their position resort to insults.

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While I did not previously express any of my personal political beliefs (it really IS an article about Costco), I am glad to set the record straight about my official political beliefs for casual readers and predatory blog commenters alike.

Political Belief #1 - First Ladies aren't candidates. My best information tells me that the First Lady has no power, authority, or official responsibilities in the United States government. And every bit of attention that is paid to the spouse of the president distracts people from the only thing that really matters - the platform of the party. (Which is exactly what the political strategists want to do - distract you.) Soapy Johnson (#2 commenter under the Costco article), I hope you're kidding because there was no such thing as a "First Lady debate," and if there ever is, it will be completely irrelevant in every way.

Anyone who casts a vote based on which candidate's spouse they like, admire, feel sorry for, or emulate and anyone who chooses their political party affiliation based on what a First Lady or First Lady wannabe wears, how much her outfits cost, what warehouse store she claims to shop in, what she plants in her garden, or what her medical history is or isn't, is casting a vote in a high school popularity contest, not a presidential election.

My personal belief is that a presidential vote based on a First Lady is like a write-in vote for Honey Boo Boo. Both are equally frivolous, wasteful, and irresponsible.

Political Belief #2 - The president living in your White House is not less important than the kid singing on your TV. If you have ever voted for a contestant on American Idol, The Voice, America's Got Talent, or any other such audience participation venue, and you're not planning to vote on November 6th, then you may need someone to help you remember what "reality" really is.

Political Belief #3 - If you don't know the political platforms of each party like a dog knows its name, then you are ill-prepared to complete your ballot. When you cast your vote, you're voting for a political PLATFORM, not for an individual, a personality, a spouse, a family, a deviously clever advertising agency, or your favorite movie star, sports hero, or Apprentice boardroom billionaire. Know the platform and then vote the platform that best represents you. If you'd like a voter-friendly refresher, here's an unbiased comparison of the Republican and Democrat party platforms.

Political Belief #4 - Short-term memory has long-term consequences. Remember that the approval rating of the last exiting president was 22%. If you were part of the 78% who disapproved, think carefully about casting your vote to return to the leadership of the political party that earned your disapproval in the 8-year long run.

Remember who declared war in the Middle East. Remember who stood on the deck of USS Abraham Lincon and claimed victory for a far-from-finished military action just 42 days later. Remember which party's policies created the mortgage meltdown, and the subsequent banking crisis, economic Great Recession, the retail industry rollback, and the downward spiral of unemployment.

The decision you make in the next 24-hours will have a long-term context, whether you stop to consider it or not.

Political Belief #5 - Each voter is radically responsible. If you cast a vote for the presidential winner, then you are responsible for your choice - not just for four years, but for all the years that the entire country is living out the consequences.

Political Belief #6 - Speak up or shut up. If you don't vote in the 2012 presidential election, you give up your right to complain until the year 2016 when you get another chance to actively participate in creating your own future.

Political Belief #7 - Voting is serious business, but political campaigning is not. This is, without a doubt, the funniest political advertisement in the history of political advertisements >>

We now return to our regularly scheduled retail industry broadcast.

Neither the Republican or Democrat political party will be celebrating more jubilantly than the U.S. retail industry at the end of Election Day 2012. The largest U.S. retail chains have a bombardment campaign of their own that they've been impatiently waiting to launch. Let the early-bird-pre-Black-Friday-sneak-preview shopping season begin!

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