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Fun and Funny Quotes About Lawsuits, Litigation, and the American Legal System

Humorous Quotable Quotations From Famous People And Legal Experts about Lawyers

By

Updated October 30, 2013
One aspect of American life and culture that is thriving and in a constant state of expansion is the U.S. legal system, which seemingly has no boundaries for its growth. An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry in particular these days. Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments.

The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed, argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system.

What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order. Click the links to discover more about the people who are credited with these fun and funny legal insights.

Fun and Funny Quotations about Lawsuits, Litigation, and the American Legal System:
  • "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court.
David Porter - Microsoft Corporate Vice President of Retail Sales

  • "A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit." - George Herbert, British Poet

  • "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers." - Lee Iacocca, Former President and CEO of Crysler

  • "Every unfortunate event does not give rise to lawsuit." - Judge Mills Lane, District Court Judge and TV Personality

  • "Where there is a will there is a lawsuit." - Addison Mizner, American Architect

  • "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property." - Jean de la Bruyere, French Philosopher & Essayist

  • “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.” - Mark Twain, American Author and Humoris

  • "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice." - Franklin P. Jones, American Journalist and Humorist

  • "Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?” - Bill Maher, American Political Commentator, TV Personality, Comedian

  • "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens." - Henry Miller

  • "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. I think we made a couple of them rich." - Gavin Rossdale, Musician, Husband of Gwen Stefani

  • "Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions 

If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end." - Mark Twaint

  • "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality

  • "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress." - John Adams Character in the Play "1776"

  • "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." Evelle Younger, Former California District Attorney, Prosecuting Charles Manson and Sirhan Sirhan

  • "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Patrick Murray, American Politician

  • "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." - Fred Allen, American Comedian

  • "You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior." - Linus Torvalds, Developer of Linux

  • "Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.” - Voltaire, French Philosopher and Writer  

  • "Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age." - Gore Vidal, American Writer      

  • "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.” - Jean de la Bruyere, French Philosopher      

  • "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit” -  Italian Proverb quotes

  • "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one” - Voltaire

  • "Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it." - Adison Mizner 



  • "A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden. - Italian Proverb

  • "

Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.” - Bill Veeck, Major League Baseball Franchise Owner

  • "

Of course people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides." - Will Rogers, American Cowboy and Humorist
More Funny and Inspiring Quotes:
More Philosophy and Inspiration from Retail Leader Quotes
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