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Funny and Fun Quotations About Restaurants, Food, Waiters and Dining Out

Quotable Quotes From Famous People About Experiences Eating in Restaurants


Woman eating pizza
Michael H/Digital Vision/Getty Images
Updated May 30, 2014
  • “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.” - Lynda Montgomery

  • "Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry." — Mike Kalin

  • "It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman." - Federico Fellini

  • “In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter.” - Jewish Proverb

  • "The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums." — Peter De Vries

  • “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” - George Carlin

  • "I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one." - Paul Simon

  • “I went to a fancy french restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'” - Rod Schmidt

  • "A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter." - Morey Amsterdam

  • “In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.” - Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live

  • “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” - Henry Youngman

  • "Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them." P. G. Wodehouse

  • “I was at this restaurant. The sign said 'Breakfast Anytime.' So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.” - Steven Wright

  • "When you go to a restaurant, the less you know about what happens in the kitchen, the more you enjoy your meal." - Jeffrey Wright

  • “When I was a small boy, my father told me never to recommend a church or a woman to anyone. And I have found it wise never to recommend a restaurant either. Something always goes wrong with the cheese souffle.” -  Edmund G. Love

  • “When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.” - Helen Hunt in "As Good As It Gets"

  • “A restaurant is a fantasy-a kind of living fantasy in which diners are the most important members of the cast.” -  Warner LeRoy

  • “There are advantages to being a star though - you can always get a table in a full restaurant.” -  Ingrid Bergman

  • “I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, 'Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.'" - Ellen DeGeneres

  • “I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.” - Erma Bombeck

  • “The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill.” - Bryan Miller

  • "If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the nearest appliance store and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about them.” - Bryan Miller

  • “I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.” - Calvin Trillin
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