24 Funny Quotes About Restaurants and Eating Out

Whether it's fast food, fast casual, full service or fine dining, humor can almost always be found in the average American restaurant experience. In addition to tasting a variety of dishes, customers experience servers, chefs, and other workers, as well as patrons at other tables. As a result, people enjoy and share humor about the U.S. restaurant industry as well as their specific dining experiences.

Restaurant Humor

For a "taste" of some comedy, check out these 24 humorous quotes shared by actors, comedians, and others: 

1. “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.” Lynda Montgomery
2. “Nouvelle cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid $96 and I'm still hungry.” Mike Kalin
3. “It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman.” Federico Fellini
4. “In a restaurant, choose a table near a waiter.” Jewish Proverb
5. “The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.” Peter De Vries
6. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” George Carlin
7. “I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.” Paul Simon
8. “I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'” Rod Schmidt
9. “A cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.” Morey Amsterdam
10. “In Pakistan, anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.” Jimmy Fallon on “Saturday Night Live”
11. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” Henry Youngman
12. “Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them." P.G. Wodehouse
13. “I was at this restaurant. The sign said 'Breakfast Anytime.' So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.” Steven Wright
14. “When you go to a restaurant, the less you know about what happens in the kitchen, the more you enjoy your meal.” Jeffrey Wright
15. “When I was a small boy, my father told me never to recommend a church or a woman to anyone. And I have found it wise never to recommend a restaurant either. Something always goes wrong with the cheese soufflé.” Edmund G. Love
16. “A restaurant is a fantasy—a kind of living fantasy in which diners are the most important members of the cast.” Warner LeRoy
17. “There are advantages to being a star, though. You can always get a table in a full restaurant.” Ingrid Bergman
18. “I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, 'Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.'” Ellen DeGeneres
19. “I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.” Erma Bombeck
20. “The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill.” Bryan Miller
21. “If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the nearest appliance store, and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about them.” Bryan Miller
22. “I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.” Calvin Trillin
23. “When you wait for a server in a restaurant, doesn't that make you the waiter?” Author Unknown
24. “I went to a restaurant with the kids. The hostess said, 'How cute. Are these your kids?' I said, 'Nope. I am a representative for Trojan. These are customer complaints.'” Author Unknown